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Making New Friends is Like Dating All Over Again

When you tell people you are moving to a new city, you will hear comments like “Oh I’d hate to move. I have best the doctor. I can’t imagine having to find a new one”. It’s true. Finding a new doctor, dentist, hair dresser and pizza place can feel like a near impossible task. But after moving twice in the past 10 years, I would say those are more like minor inconveniences.  Making a new town feel like home is what’s hard.  Being in a city where you have no friends is simply – lonely.

There are so many great things about moving. Exploring a new city. Having a fresh starting. But making friends is like dating all over again. Didn’t I give up dating and get married so I wouldn’t have to do this?  You meet some. You might eventually start-up some idle chit-chat. But at what point do you go from idle chit-chat to asking someone out for coffee?

And what if you aren’t an outgoing person? What if even starting up a conversation makes you feel like you might lose your lunch?  Can you find the courage to step out of your comfort zone? To be brave? To risk rejection? It’s like being the new kid at school all over again.

At some point you do it. You get up the nerve to start that first conversation and eventually you make a date for coffee. So you go out. You share life stories. You share a cup of coffee or two.  And what if, after all that effort you end up not really liking them. Good grief. It really is like dating!

And that’s just one friend. Don’t you want a few good friends. Maybe even a couple to hang out with? Oh my goodness, you mean I might have to do this, like more than once? Ug.

In my estimation it takes a good year to make a new friend. From that initial hello, to getting up the nerve to invite someone out and then to get to the point where you can call them up for no reason other than just to chat.

But in the end it’s worth the time and effort. Because a good friend in a new city is priceless. Having someone who will see the new chick flick with you, go for a walk at the beach, take a Zumba class or invite you to join their book club.

So be brave. Put yourself out there. And give it time.

Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget. – G. Randolf

Good friends are like new adventures, you never know what life lessons they might teach you” – Unknown

Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow ripening fruit. – Aristotle

Until I write again…

x Shay

30 to 40

30 to 40

Thirty days until I turn 40, how crazy is that? 40 always seemed so old. But I don’t feel old. I mean other than the abundance of grey hairs that have recently taken up residence on my head. But nothing a little trip to the hairdresser can’t fix.

I remember talking with my girlfriends about turning 40. It always seemed so far away. We would chat about taking a big trip celebrate us all turning 40. Yet as it approaches I’m looking forward to a quiet party at home with my nearest and dearest. And I’m wondering if I’ll be able to stay awake until midnight. Lol. Oh, how times have changed.

It seems not long ago I was turning 30. It was such a crazy and exciting time. 10 years ago, I was telling my loved ones that my boyfriend, of less than a year, had been offered a job and we were moving to a new city.  I left everything I knew: family, friends and a career I loved; all for the unknown. I had no idea what my 30s would bring but I knew it would be an adventure. Everything in my 30s was new a new beginning: marriage, friends, 2 kids, 3 houses, 4 cars, 2 new cities, countless road trips and several career changes.

Now as I leave my 30s and enter my 40s I feel more settled into my life. I’m still excited about what the future holds but also happy to be living a quieter and more predictable life.  I’m looking forward to not moving and instead exploring more of this beautiful west coast. To watching kids my grow up and into the people they are meant to be. To finding more “me” time to write and get out with friends. To figuring out (in a couple of years) how I’m going to spend my days once my kids are both in school.

The one thing I learned in my 30s is that life rarely turns out how you planned. I’ve always enjoyed the journey and am looking forward to seeing the adventures life bring in my 40s.

Until I write again..

x Shay

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